To truly get over a bad relationship or friendship, it takes 3 parts acknowledgement and 2 parts action.
These 5 Steps will lead you through the process of eliminating the negativity in your life and get you back on track to being happy
But first: “How did I get myself in a bad relationship in the first place? I’m not stupid!”
You’re not stupid, you’re an artist and you will get into many relationships with people some significant, some not so much. It’s your job. We all generally believe that the more relationships we have, the better off we are; however, some relationships will cause you more bad than good.
The following five steps will get you outta, over and passed this bad relationship and on to the road to focusing on success and happiness!
The Five Steps to Truly Get Over a Bad Relationship:
1. Acknowledge that YOU are in a BAD Relationship:
Not all people are good, have you seen the news? There are bad people in this world and you have to accept the reality, that you probably have got into a relationship with a bad person. You can’t always beat the odds.
Relationships are about give and take, so ask yourself, how much has this person taken from you? How much have they given back?
Once, I thought I had a strong connection with this girl. For over two years, I surprised her with gifts, made her laugh, listened to all her problems and supported her in her goals. I was always there for her. One day, I let her know how I felt. She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed to focus on herself and I respected that. Less than a month later, she got into a relationship with another guy. Basically, I had to cut contact, I felt like such a sucker for thinking I was anything more than bank/counsellor to this person.
What I’m trying to say is, this person had taken so much from me, (in time, money, advice, the things that matter) and hadn’t given anything back in appreciation.. nothing. All I really had was the hurt, and when someone leaves you with hurt – they aren’t leaving you with happy.These are what you call bad people in your life.
Until you acknowledge this fact and reality,that this person is bad, you cannot move on or get past this bad relationship; you will keep justifying it’s existence. If you can accept it, move on to step two.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings Unhappiness and Loss in this Bad Relationship:
Of course you’re going to feel unhappy and as if you lost-out, bigtime! You had put in a lot of time and effort into this bad relationship. What did you lose? You lost the investment of time, and that is something you cannot get back no matter how much you kick and scream. It’s so significant that it affects you subconsciously.
What did they lose? Not much.. They didn’t make the same investment you did; they may not even feel as if they lost anything but a number on a cell or a face on a facebook; as hard as it is, this is the reality, so don’t expect that they will come back to you out of some epiphany (feeling) they had at some late hour. (plus this is about you, not them)
Because this loss affects you subconsciously, your conscious mind will get confused. You will look at this BAD relationship as if it was a GOOD relationship. You will remember times in the relationship when it was fun and good or focus on how ‘good’ of a person they are. Do not be fooled by this illusion. (good = happy, do they make you happy?)
What you are actually doing, is holding on to hurt and pain. These memories, physical objects or anything that reminds you them, has nothing to do with being happy, it has everything to do with pain and hurt and continuing to think of them will only lead to one thing, more pain and hurt.
Stop the pain and the hurt! You do this by first removing anything that reminds you of them. The memories will come, it’s subconscious, but at least now you are aware of where they will lead, stop them in their tracks!
After acknowledging this bad relationship and understanding your feelings of loss, the next step is turn this bad relationship into something of real value, not just a life lesson.
3. The Importance Getting Something of Value out of a Bad Relationship:
I don’t mean a life lesson or a physical object. If you’re trying to get over a bad relationship, you’re feeling the way you do because you didn’t get anything out of the relationship itself.
When you think of the other person, they sure as hell did. For me, the girl got my time, money, advice and support for the two years while she needed it. What did I get? Diddly squat.. How do you reconcile that?
You do that by doing what I’ve done here, you create something of value from the experience of the bad relationship. This way you at least get SOMETHING from the bad relationship that has value.
For me, I wrote this article and created a resource for other people who may be going through the same thing. You don’t have to write an article, or make a movie about it, but you do have to create something of value from this bad relationship that can be shared with others, this is because your feeling of loss will never be reconciled otherwise.
This process does two things.
First, it gives you back ownership of the investment you made in that bad relationship and gives you back something of value that you can take away from it, something real that made it somewhat worth your effort.
Second, it rids you of the responsiblity of being the sole person burdened with the pain of this bad relationship. Once it’s in the world, it’s shared by everyone - literally!
Once you’ve released yourself, you will feel relieved! You won’t be happy but now you can focus on becoming happy!
4. Getting Happy – Why It Isn’t an Overnight Thing:
Anyone who tells you that happiness is a choice, or simply giving it time is the cure, is either a complete crock, and is in denial. If this were true, you wouldn’t be reading this and I wouldn’t be writing this.
I am convinced that you don’t get to be happy just like that; it’s a struggle, a fight just to be happy and has been for centuries. You need to understand something, you lost something so significant in this relationship, forget the person, you lost time and you’re not getting it back, and in return for that time, you got nothing. So now your struggle for happiness is even harder!
Acknowledge the substantial loss that this is and you’ll understand why it is so difficult to move on and do the things that make you happy. Giving yourself time doesn’t help the feeling of loss and distracting yourself doesn’t handle the pain, it just masks it.
The only way to truly become happy again, is by dealing with the loss in a different way (next step) and stopping the pain by making the conscious effort to catch any subconscious thoughts, memories that occur and shutting them down immediately.
The next step is how happiness is really attained after the loss of a bad relationship.
5. The Real Path to Happiness
It’s time to take action! This is gonna take hard work and tons of effort! You need to rebuild your level of happiness, one inch at a time and in the beginning it’s going to suck, bigtime!
I compare gaining happiness, a lot like going to the gym. In order to get the body you want, you’re going to have to force yourself to hit the gym and train hard even when it hurts and you don’t want to do it. But at the end of all the hard work - YOU WILL get the result you’re looking for. You’ll love the way you look and so will other people.
Gaining happiness is the same way, you gotta start a routine and be consistent! Do one thing each day that ‘should’ make you happy (even if it doesn’t), You’re not looking to get happy right then, you’re looking for the end result of happiness. As long as you keep working on gaining happiness, inch by inch, at the end of all the hard work – YOU WILL get the result you’re looking for. You’ll love the way you feel and so will other people.
If you follow these steps, exactly.. YOU WILL get over any bad relationship and back to making great music and connecting with valuable people again!
“Never make the foolish mistake to invest time in people who do not understand what your time is worth.”